''my worth comes from doing''

This is very common by the way, it's a big part of my work, but often women don't recognise what's going on in their body

Women will explain that they feel tense and anxious with the feeling of being alert all the time. Now the majority of women who come to see me are very capable, very responsible and used to coping with life. Some have high flying careers, some are clinical professionals, some are very proud women raising their children and looking after their families.

It's evident just by reading their initial email enquiry or by the initial 15 minute call we have and by their body language when they walk into my room and even the way they sit down that these women are anxious and try to relax but the body just isn't following.

So what's actually happening here? These women want to rest but they're not or they can't. Well very often they actually feel GUILTY if they stop, they feel guilty if they're not being productive.

Being busy feels safer than stopping. We often hear the term ''perfectionism'' used to describe women like this, but it's not perfectionism as that's more to do with being seen as a failure. This is about conditional rest and this deep internalised productivity belief “I must always be doing something to be allowed to exist peacefully.”

What I realised was that some women say the only time they properly relax is on holiday (their permission slip to stop) but even then, it can take several days before their body starts to catch up and relax.

This isn’t a motivation issue or a mindset problem, it’s what actually happens when stress, responsibility and emotional load have been stored in the body for a long time.

What I hear women saying are statements such as ''I never used to be like this, I need to just get on with it''. They're literally grieving the way they used to be.

These women keep busy and their busyness protects them from those deeper questions, which we all face at some point. Such as existential questions that just naturally come with age, loss of youth and vitality (particularly during menopause) and questions around what this new chapter means or looks like for them now.

Busyness keeps them safe from looking at ''is this how I actually want to live my life now?''

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My interest in bringing two healing approaches together, Craniosacral and somatic energy healing, was because neither involve analysing emotions.

They work directly with the body and nervous system (at all levels!) without any effort from the woman.

In this dual approach we are looking at patterned states in the nervous system. For example ''my worth comes from doing''.

So we'll find for example bracing in the diaphragm and psoas, shallow breathing, sympathetic dominance, tightening in the neck, migraines, dural tension (which can lead to neurological and physical problems) and the body not being able to rest as it's still very vigilant even though on the surface the woman feels she's in a relaxed position.

If you have any questions about the healing events I'm holding this year please do ask me.